I came across a post on LinkedIn that commits a common "academic" mistake when it comes to content/marketing/copy/sales.

Which is: to introduce the background story before getting to the part that the reader cares about.

That's how articles and reports are written, but marketing works in reverse.

A General Content Writing Framework:

1. Make people interested (hook them in)
2. Show them why your claim is true (AKA "mechanize" your claim)
3. Make people feel good about reading your marketing

Why This Framework?

When content immediately hooks people in - it'll get read.
Content that gets ignored cannot make an impact.

When content lightly explains WHY its claims are true, the piece is simply more believable. Belief --> Sales.

When people end up feeling good about reading stuff, they'll KEEP reading that stuff. That's how people get addicted to valuable marketing.
(This is the key behind email marketing that actually generates consistent revenues)

The Original Post

The post:

1. Starts with the least interesting bit to the prospect, but the most interesting bit to the company itself - "since a few weeks"
2. Then gives explanation - "...he has seen various constructing and manufacturing..."
3. Promises something cool that's of benefit to this company's prospects - "bringing down the price of BSF-eggs"

Here's a more impactful way of saying the same thing

The Reworked Example

Reworked Copy

The price of BSF-eggs is about to drop.

Because we've tapped into a source of boundless knowledge.

A walking, talking encyclopedia of engineering who helps us design parts that are easier to install and more efficient to produce.

Making operations faster for you, and making parts cheaper, too.

This source of mechanical engineering is someone with over 20 years of industry expertise and he's hard at work making BSF rearing economically viable.

So please: Give a warm welcome to our newest team member: Niels de Jong.

This Is How The Rewritten Copy Works

1. Make prospect interested (with the hook ) - "Price of BSF eggs about to drop"
2. Show them why your claim is true - "because superior engineering"
3. Restate the benefit from the opening - "making BSF rearing economically viable"
4. Make people feel good about reading your marketing - "Give a warm welcome..."

Where To Go Now?

Click this link to discover different ways of pulling on your prospect's emotions in order to generate buzz, position yourself as a thought leader and attract clients.

Deep Primal Sales Triggers - Beyer Consulting

The key to sales is always to hit on the deepest, most secret, and most primal emotions in your prospect. To allude to the subconscious desires that your prospect might not even realize they carry around inside. To touch on that unspoken longing that acts as an invisible hand, guiding them through life one day, one week, one year at a time. You see, every product has the ability to tap into these powerful and primal sales emotions - you just need to know how to find them…

Beyer Consulting

If you have questions then...

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Click the link above to see exactly why such a call is NOT going to be a painful pitch fest - but a 100% useful conversation that WILL help you make progress.